stabs like a knife

can't take that image out my head, it hurts to have seen it.
but hey, i did it to myself anyway right? i basically took that knife and put it in me.
i guess if he's happy im happy too, knowing that he is, wow sounds a little like what he said to me... but im not bs-ing, i do care and if he is than i am.
its just going to take time and a while for me to get used to and realize im not always going to get my way.
BUT, i at least want that " hi " though, ugh whatever =/
... boys